


After all this time

by grantairrible



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Trans Enjolras, sexting as a plot device
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 08:43:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5450444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grantairrible/pseuds/grantairrible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras dates Grantaire, loses Grantaire, meets Combeferre, and then finds Grantaire again.</p>
<p>Or: Enjolras and Christmas, over the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After all this time

**Author's Note:**

> Slight warning for mentions of suicide, depression and self harm, but nothing too explicit.

**2009**

Enjolras pretended to hate Christmas,  and he wasn’t lying, in some aspects - for example, he hated the focus on consumerism that the holiday entailed - but there was just something about it that he loved. Maybe it was some ridiculous, over-romanticised notion, but he couldn’t help it. The decorations, the ridiculous amounts of food, it was all a waste of resources, and yet Enjolras couldn’t help but get swept up in the Christmas cheer every year. This year was no exception, even if it was more low-key than previous Christmases had been.

It was Christmas Eve, and Enjolras’ parents weren’t home. They had some party or other to attend, and Enjolras wasn’t particularly sorry that they were away - they would eat lunch tomorrow as a family, and it was always a painfully tense, strained affair.

No, this was much more pleasant. Home alone, with leftovers from the whole week of festivities his parents seemed to be celebrating, marathoning Christmas movies, and talking to Grantaire on facebook.

Only, Grantaire hadn’t responded to Enjolras’ last message in nearly twenty minutes, and Enjolras was wondering what was going on.

He checked his watch - a present from his parents this year, for his fifteenth birthday, even though he’d told them over and over he didn’t want them to make a big deal out of it, since who really celebrates their fifteenth birthday? - to see that it was just past eleven o’clock. His parents wouldn’t be home for several hours.

Enjolras was wondering, for the millionth time that night, what Grantaire was up to, when there was a knock on the door.

Enjolras leapt up and rushed to answer it, grinning wide when he opened the door to reveal Grantaire standing there.

“Merry Christmas.” Grantaire said.

“You idiot, you didn’t have to come.” Enjolras replied, and pulled Grantaire into a hug. “But I’m glad you did. Come inside.”

“I will, as soon as you release me from this death grip.”

“Oh! Sorry!” Enjolras let go of him immediately.

Grantaire grabbed his hand, and Enjolras led him to the living room, where Grantaire surveyed the nest of blankets Enjolras had been snuggled into.

“Having fun all by yourself?”

Enjolras shrugged. “More fun than I would have at the function with my parents.”

“I can’t stay long, or my parents will get suspicious - I kinda snuck out - so come here.” Grantaire sank into the blanket nest, and pulled Enjolras in after him. “So long as I’m around, I’m not letting you spend Christmas by yourself.”

“But you’ll get in trouble if you’re caught.” Enjolras protested.

“Nah.” Grantaire said. “They won’t even notice I’m gone. Well, unless I’m gone for several hours.”

“Wait here.” Enjolras said, and got up to pour them glasses of non-alcoholic wine. It tasted disgusting, but that wasn’t really the point. “To our first Christmas together, and many more.”

“You sappy thing.” Grantaire said, rolling his eyes, but lifted his glass to clink it against Enjolras’.

 

* * *

 

**2010**

The next year, it was Enjolras’ turn to sneak out. His parents had yet another party to attend, this time in another city, so they wouldn’t be home until late on Christmas Day. There was nobody to notice, let alone miss him, when he packed a small bag and made his way to Grantaire’s house.

The lights were on, but Enjolras had made visits to Grantaire’s room that weren’t parentally approved before, so it was only a matter of slipping past the side of the house unseen and climbing through a window, which Grantaire had left unlocked. Thankfully, the house was only single-storey, so Enjolras didn’t have to scale any walls.

Grantaire wasn’t in his room, so Enjolras just sat on his bed and waited, examining the sketch Grantaire had been working on - Enjolras wearing a pair of reindeer antlers, looking pissed off.

Enjolras was just considering pulling out a book from his bag to read when the door opened, and Grantaire slipped inside.

“Hey.” Enjolras said softly, hoping not to startle Grantaire.

Grantaire still nearly dropped his mug of hot chocolate. He managed to catch it in time, and set it on his desk. “Shit, you scared me. Hi.”

Grantaire joined Enjolras on the bed and greeted him with a kiss. The light was dim, but Enjolras could see the shadows under Grantaire’s eyes, and pulled back.

“Is everything okay?”

Grantaire shook his head. “We’re moving. Soon. To, like, the other side of the country.”

“Oh.” Enjolras tried not to let his face fall. “I’ll save up, I’ll come visit. It’ll be okay.”

Grantaire nodded, but his lips were sealed tight together, and it looked as though he was trying not to cry.

“I’m not losing you.” Enjolras said, and kissed Grantaire.

Grantaire smiled at him when he pulled away, blinking away tears. “We’ll just have to make the most of the time we’ve got together, right?”

“Right.” Enjolras said. “And we’ll skype and everything. It’ll be alright, you’ll see.”

Grantaire nodded. “Okay. Just promise you won’t forget me.”

“I promise.”

“Look at me, making Christmas all sad.” Grantaire wiped away the last few tears with the sleeve of his jumper. “You didn’t come over for this.”

“I came over to be with you.” Enjolras said.

All he wanted to say was _I love you, don’t leave me_ , but he was sixteen, and everyone said that he couldn’t be in love, that he was too young. So he didn’t speak, and just settled for kissing Grantaire, with the heavy weight in his stomach that came with the knowledge that this would all soon end, and Enjolras would be alone again.

 

* * *

 

**2011**

“Enjolras, come join in the party!”

Enjolras looked up from his phone to see Courfeyrac standing in the doorway, holding out a pair of antlers.

“Just a sec.” Enjolras said, and grabbed the antlers from Courfeyrac. He took a selfie, which he sent off to Grantaire with the caption _Christmas isn’t the same without you. x_

He waited a couple of minutes, but there was no response, so he slipped his phone into his pocket and joined the others.

Combeferre and Courfeyrac had only moved to Enjolras’ high school this year, after Grantaire had left, but they had all become fast friends, and with them Enjolras started to become closer to people he’d merely been acquaintances with in the past. Over the course of the year, Enjolras found himself with a big group of friends, and they were all here, filling up his empty house.

Combeferre must have known something was wrong, though, and pulled Enjolras aside.

“Are you okay?”

Enjolras shrugged. “I’m worried about Grantaire. The last time he talked to me was two months ago. Someone uploaded some pictures of him from a party the other night, and he had cuts all up his arms, and I’m sure they’re all doing drugs there. He’s so skinny now, and his eyes just look completely dead in every photo.”

Combeferre pulled Enjolras into a hug. “I’m so sorry.”

Enjolras buried his face against Combeferre’s chest. “I’m scared, ‘Ferre. Depression runs in his family, and one of his cousins committed suicide last year. What if I lose him?”

“I don’t know, Enjolras. Just… let him know you’re there for him, and that you still care about him.  I don’t know what else to do.”

They stood like that for a long time, Combeferre’s arms around Enjolras, until Enjolras pulled away. “I’m sorry for ruining your Christmas.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Combeferre said, and brushed away the tears running down Enjolras’ cheeks. “I care about you, this isn’t ruining anything.”

“Still, Christmas is meant to be happy. Let’s go and join the others.”

“If that’s what you want.” Combeferre said, and followed Enjolras to join their friends.

It was only later, when Enjolras was drifting off to sleep between Combeferre and Courfeyrac, that Enjolras realised Grantaire hadn’t responded to the message. He wasn’t really surprised. And yet, Enjolras wasn’t as sad as he might have been, since he had friends to support him now.

This was what Christmas had become for him: spending time with the people he loved, and that was far more important to him than any presents or religious messages.

 

* * *

 

**2012**

“Enjolras, come on, we’re going to start without you!”

“Feel free!” Enjolras called over his shoulder to Courfeyrac, before turning back to face Feuilly.

“Nope.” Feuilly said, as Enjolras tried to resume their conversation, and grabbed his arm. “Live a little, for once.”

“Fine.” Enjolras responded, and Feuilly steered him towards the circle of their friends. Enjolras drained the last of his cider. He had a feeling he might need it.

“Spin the bottle, really?” Feuilly asked, as they approached the circle, but still sat down, pulling Enjolras down with him. “We’re not twelve.”

“No,” Joly said, with a shudder, “We’re adults. Who let that happen?” Bossuet patted him on the head reassuringly.

“You don’t have to play, Feuilly, if you don’t want.” Jehan said, shrugging.

“I never said that.”

Enjolras wasn’t really paying attention until the bottle came to a stop in front of him, and he was faced with a wide-eyed Combeferre.

Enjolras leant forward until their lips met, and- _oh_.

Combeferre’s lips were soft. It was hardly the most risque of kisses he’d ever received, and yet, Enjolras wanted more.

More than just kissing, if he was being honest with himself.

He waited until a suitable enough amount of time had passed, so Combeferre wouldn’t think he was freaking out - although Combeferre’s eyes kept flickering over to him, concerned - and then retreated to the bathroom.

Combeferre, who had always been there for him. Combeferre, who had always, always, been so painfully careful to maintain boundaries between them, never as open with his physical affection as Courfeyrac. Combeferre, who Enjolras loved with all his heart, just in a different way to how he’d always thought.

Enjolras had been too busy missing Grantaire to notice that he’d fallen in love with one of his best friends. He decided, looking at his reflection, that he was not going to waste another day. He walked out of the bathroom with firm resolve, only to find Combeferre sitting at the top of the stairs.

“Combeferre?”

He turned around and smiled at Enjolras, a little hesitant. “I just wanted to check up on you.”

Enjolras walked over to him and tapped his side with his foot. “Move over.”

Combeferre obliged, and Enjolras slid into the spot next to him.

“I hope I didn’t freak you out, with that kiss. I know I haven’t been very subtle with my feelings, and I apologise. The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable.” Combeferre, with utmost sincerity.

Enjolras shook his head. “Actually, I’d like to kiss you again, if that’s alright.”

Combeferre blinked at Enjolras in shock for a moment, and then kissed him. This time was even better, Combeferre’s hands coming up to tangle in Enjolras’ hair, the slightest touch of tongue tentatively brushing Enjolras’ lips, until Enjolras deepened the kiss, and Combeferre moaned.

“So, um,” Enjolras said, pulling back. “This is actually a really uncomfortable position. Relocate?”

Combeferre followed Enjolras into his bedroom, and they stood there in awkward silence for a long moment, before Enjolras sat on the bed, and patted the space in front of him for Combeferre to join him.

“How long?” Enjolras asked, when they were face-to-face, fingers brushing.

“As long as I’ve known you.” Combeferre said. “I thought you knew.”

Enjolras shook his head. “I was too caught up in my feelings for Grantaire. I didn’t realise I felt the same until tonight.”

“And your feelings for Grantaire?” Combeferre’s voice was gentle, and Enjolras wondered how he’d never realised how Combeferre felt about him.

“They’re still as strong as ever.” Enjolras said. “But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. Regardless of my feelings for Grantaire, I want you.”

Combeferre tried unsuccessfully to hide his smile. “Can I see a picture of him? All this time, and I still don’t really know what he looks like.”

“Yeah, just give me a sec.” Enjolras pulled out his phone, and opened Facebook. “That’s weird, usually…” He typed the name in, but nothing came up.

“What is it?”

Enjolras stared down at his phone. “His account’s gone.”

“Oh, Enjolras.” Combeferre’s arms were around him immediately. “It doesn’t mean anything’s happened to him, he’s probably just deleted it.”

“I know.” Enjolras said, but a tear slid down his cheek. “We hadn’t talked in so long, but I don’t have any other way of contacting him now. He never gave me his new phone number.”

“I’m so sorry, Enjolras.” Combeferre said.

“I sort of knew I wouldn’t see him again.” Enjolras said, against the fabric of Combeferre’s jumper. “But I didn’t want to believe it.”

“Come here.” Combeferre shifted them so they were lying on the pillows. “I’m not him, but I’m here for you, I promise.”

 

* * *

 

**2013**

Enjolras was at the supermarket buying last minute ingredients for Christmas day when he caught a glimpse of black curls at the end of the aisle. It had been happening often recently, especially at university, seeing someone out of the corner of his eye that looked like Grantaire, only to turn around and be unable to see anyone who remotely resembled him. Grumbling about stupid phantoms, Enjolras picked up his basket and joined one of the absurdly long lines at the registers.

He brought up the topic of Grantaire lookalikes once he came home to the apartment he shared with Combeferre, and Combeferre only looked a little sad as he kissed the top of Enjolras’ head.

“It’s been three years, Enjolras.” Combeferre said, and tucked a lock of hair behind Enjolras’ ear. “Maybe you should try to let him go.”

“I’ve tried.” Enjolras said. “It just doesn’t work. I can’t forget him, ‘Ferre. I know he’s going have changed a lot, so he’s bound to not be the person I fell in love with, but I still care about him. And I know it sounds crazy, but I really think it might have been him that I saw.”

“I believe you.” Combeferre said, although there was still a wrinkle between his brows. “And if you find him, you have my full consent to pursue a relationship with him.”

“Combeferre-”

“Enjolras, you’ve loved him longer than you’ve loved me.”

“I really do love you, I promise-”

Combeferre cut him off. “I know, Enjolras, I’m not saying I want to break up.”

“You mean-” Enjolras paused. “You’d be okay with that?”

Combeferre smiled at him. “I know your feelings for him don’t have any effect on your feelings of me. I’m entirely secure in knowing how you feel about me, so if you do actually see him, and he is still interested in you, then you don’t have to ask.”

“Jesus, I-” Enjolras took a deep breath. “Thank you, ‘Ferre. And if you ever develop feelings for someone else, then the same is okay for you.”

“I don’t think I’d want a relationship without you in it.”

Enjolras shrugged. “Well, if you ever want a threesome, I’m up for it. So long as they’re not a bigoted asshole, but I kind of think that’s a given.”

Combeferre stared at Enjolras for a long moment, and then laughed. “I really, really love you.”

“I love you too.” Enjolras said, and was about to kiss him when the clock chimed. “It’s midnight. Merry Christmas, love.”

“Merry Christmas.” Combeferre said, and closed the distance between them.

 

* * *

 

**2014**

Combeferre groaned as he walked into the apartment, and Enjolras looked up from where he was fixing the ornaments that Robespierre had knocked off the tree.

“What is it this time?” Enjolras asked.

“Hot philosophy guy was at the pool.” Combeferre said. “Did I mention he’s really hot?”

Enjolras turned back to the tree. “You know I wasn’t joking about the threesome option. Do you have a picture of him?”

Combeferre opened up his texts with someone named Luc, and showed Enjolras.

“Well, that’s certainly a penis.” Enjolras said, and blinked. “He knows we’re dating, right?”

“Yeah, and here’s a better one.” Combeferre said, scrolling quickly past a picture of his own dick. Enjolras had been there when he sent it, and was a little sorry that Combeferre hadn’t sent it to him as well.

Enjolras took the phone, and looked at the picture. The guy’s face wasn’t in it, but the scruff on his chin and the muscles of his abdomen looked attractive. Enjolras hummed in approval as his eyes traced the line of his shoulders. “We can always send him a pic from us together, see if he’s up for it.”

Combeferre pulled Enjolras into his lap. “I like that idea.” He began helping Enjolras out of his jumper.

“He knows I’m trans, right?” Enjolras asked, breathless, as Combeferre began sucking and biting bruises along his throat.

“Yeah, I told him when you told me I could.” Combeferre said, then shifted back so he could pull off his own jumper and shirt.

“No full nudes yet.” Enjolras said, when Combeferre’s fingers started on the button of his jeans, and Combeferre immediately stopped. “Get your phone.”

Combeferre grabbed his phone, and opened the camera. Hands shaking slightly, he took a picture of them, his face buried against Enjolras’ neck, Enjolras’ head thrown back.

“Holy shit.” Enjolras said, when he saw the photo. “Poor guy’s not going to know what hit him.”

Combeferre laughed, and sent it off to Luc, a.k.a hot philosophy guy, with something along the lines of _my boyfriend approves_  - Enjolras didn’t quite catch what it was that Combeferre had typed. Almost immediately, he received a text back.

 

_Luc_ : What did you say your boyfriend’s name was??

 

_Combeferre_ : I didn’t. His name is Enjolras.

 

_Luc_ : oh my god

 

_Luc_ : photo.jpg

 

“He’s sent a photo.” Combeferre said, puzzled. “That’s weird.”

“Holy shit.” Enjolras said, as soon as the photo opened. “‘Ferre, that’s him. That’s Grantaire. _Fuck_ , ‘Aire got hot.”

Combeferre stared at him for a long moment, then down at his phone, then back up at Enjolras. “What?”

“Oh my God, I have to call him.” Enjolras said, and Combeferre handed him his phone immediately.

“‘Aire?” Enjolras said, as soon as the call was answered. “‘Aire, it’s me.”

Combeferre looked on, dumbfounded, as the conversation went on, and Enjolras reeled off their address.

“He’s on his way.” Enjolras said, smiling giddy. “I can’t believe this.”

“Neither can I.” Combeferre said. “In what world does something like this ever happen?”

Enjolras collapsed onto the couch next to him. “I have to ask, ‘Ferre…”

“Yeah?”

“I, uh…” Enjolras paused, looking for the right words. “I know you’ve been getting along well with him, and obviously we’ll have to see how he feels, but if the opportunity is there, would you be interested in having a polyamorous triad?”

“I-” Combeferre’s voice was strained. “Yeah, I would.”

“I have no idea if he’d be interested, but I had to ask. But whatever happens,” Enjolras said, taking Combeferre’s face in his hands, “Know that I love you.”

“I love you too.” Combeferre said, and he’d barely brushed his lips against Enjolras’ when there was a knock on the door. They both hurried to throw their jumpers back on.

Enjolras glanced back when he was about to turn the handle, and Combeferre smiled encouragingly. He took a deep breath, and opened the door.

Grantaire was standing there, fidgeting, but he froze when he saw Enjolras. “It really is you.”

Enjolras nodded, and stared at him for a long moment, silent, before he broke. “‘ _Aire_.”

Enjolras was swept into arms, shorter and more muscular than Combeferre’s, and held against Grantaire’s body while both of them broke down into tears.

“I thought you were dead.” Enjolras said, when he’d finally been able to pull away and lead Grantaire into the apartment.

“I’m sorry.” Grantaire said. “Things were… not great for a while there. They’ve improved a lot recently.” He glanced over at Combeferre, and then back to Enjolras. “And they’ve just got even better.”

Combeferre laughed. “You told me your name was Luc.”

“It is Luc.” Grantaire said. “Well, Lucien, but that’s a supervillain’s name. It’s my first name, I was trying to have a fresh start for uni. I’m not so fond of the idea anymore.”

“It’s really good to see you again.” Enjolras said. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Grantaire was quiet for a long moment, and Enjolras wasn’t sure if he should say something.

“Do you want to sit down?” Combeferre asked, after a sufficient pause. “We can talk about… things.”

Grantaire took a seat opposite Combeferre, and Enjolras sat next to him. “I’m just going to say it, even if it’s me fucking things up for myself.” Grantaire turned to Enjolras. “I know you’re seeing Combeferre, and I’m not trying to come between you at all, but, uh… I’m still kind of in love with you, Enjolras.”

“I don’t know you anymore.”

Grantaire’s face fell.

“ _But_ -” Enjolras was hasty to continue. “I loved you once, even if I didn’t tell you, and I would very much like the opportunity to fall in love with you again.”

“What about Combeferre?”

Combeferre smiled. “I don’t know about again, but I’d like to chance to fall in love with you as well.”

Grantaire alternated between staring at each of them in shock. “That wasn’t exactly what I was asking, but Jesus fuck, you’re both too smooth for words. And yes, of course. I’m fucking gone on both of you.”

Enjolras was closest to Grantaire, and threw his arms around him. “It hasn’t been the same without you.”

Grantaire was frozen for a moment in shock, but returned the hug once he realised what was going on. “It’s not going to be the same as before. You know that, right?”

“It’s going to be better.” Enjolras said. “Seriously, Combeferre’s always going to be there to pull our heads in when we’re being idiots. He’s amazing, you’ll love him.”

Combeferre shook his head fondly. “I try.”

“C’mere then.” Grantaire said, gesturing at Combeferre. “I haven’t had the chance to kiss you, yet.”

“Oh, wow.” Enjolras said, watching as their lips met. “Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

 

* * *

 

**2015**

“Come on you two, it’s time to get up. Bahorel’s Christmas Eve brunch starts in half an hour.” Combeferre said, but didn’t make an effort to move from the bed, with both Enjolras and Grantaire’s legs wrapped around him.

“He’ll understand if we’re late.” Enjolras said, and kissed Combeferre’s neck.

Grantaire didn’t say anything, just slid a hand down Combeferre’s stomach, stopping just before he reached the waistband of Combeferre’s pyjama pants.

Combeferre sighed. “You make a compelling argument.”

“Knew you’d see it my way.” Grantaire said, and his hand moved lower. “Think of it as an early Christmas present.”

Combeferre’s eyes fluttered shut. “I hate you.”

Enjolras’ hand joined Grantaire’s. “No, you don’t.”

“I don’t.” Combeferre agreed, arching into their touch. “I really, really don’t.”

Later, as they were all lying together, sweat cooling, Combeferre made it clear that he truly didn’t hate them, mouthing _I love you_ over each of his boyfriends’ bodies. Then he said it again, out loud, for emphasis.

They were, unsurprisingly, late for brunch.

 


End file.
